Ruling On Gifts That She Received Through Her Relationship With A Man Before She Got Engaged

Islamic Rulings - Living Shariah Verdicts

Islamic Questions & Answers

I have a computer, mobile phone and other things all of which came through haraam means, in the sense that I had a relationship for a while and he gave me these things with no ulterior motive or bad intention. The evidence is that he proposed to me but my family rejected him. What I mean is that he gave them willingly and always regarded these things as belonging to me and not to him.
In the end, the relationship came to an end, praise be to Allah. But I want to ask about the ruling on my using these things and the permissible way of using them.
Because I know that that which is built on falsehood is also false, but I do not know the ruling on that.
What do I have to do ??
Also: if I give in charity or donate my money, or if I use anything, I have my doubts about this money because it is mixed – some of it is from my own wealth and some of it is from this relationship, and some of it is in the form of shares.
Also, I do not know whether what I put into shares was from me or not. There are many things I am confused about with regard to these matters, and I want an answer so as to put my mind at rest. The wealth will disappear sooner or later, but what has gone I will be asked about on the Day of Resurrection. And you know and everyone knows that Allah is good and does not accept anything but that which is good.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

It is not permissible for a woman to form a relationship with a man who is not permissible for her, even if it is with the intention of getting married in the future, because these relationships involve things that are haraam and wrong, such as looking, touching, enjoying listening, infatuation, soft speech and other things that are not pleasing to Allah, may He be exalted.

Secondly:

The gifts that you received are subject to further discussion.

1. Whatever was taken in return for the haraam relationships that involved the evils that you have mentioned, if it is still with you then you have to get rid of it by giving it to the poor and needy. Whatever has been used up or spent, you do not have to do anything with regard to it.

This is the basic principle with regard to the one who has acquired wealth through haraam work and it was given to him by the other party willingly, such as payment for singing and dancing and the like. The money should not be given back to the one who gave it, and the one who took it should not benefit from it because it is wealth that he took in an evil manner.

The gifts that men give in haraam relationships are only given in return for enjoying the continuation of that relationship, seeing the woman, going out with her, talking to her and so on. They are given willingly in return for something haraam. The most correct scholarly opinion on that is what we have mentioned, that one should get rid of them.

2. Gifts that came after engagement; if the fiancé asks for them, they must be given back to him, but if he does not ask for them then they become your property.

See also the answer to question no. 101859

We ask Allah to help and guide you.

And Allah knows best.

He married her in order to forget his ex-fiancée; and the ruling on correspondence between the sexes

My husband came home from work and told me he did not want to be married any more because he wants to be alone and than we went to Jumah. That Tue. After having intercourse he told me his ex fiancé found him by e-mail, a week prior. He allowed me to see the e-mail she sent him. To my surprise there was more than 1. They were e-mailing each other but he did not tell me that. In the e-mails they were discussing each other’s body parts. He was calling her everyday that he had to work & said he will not loose her again. He said he married me for two reasons. He didn’t want anyone else to have me & thinking it would get her out of his system but it did not and he has been looking for her since and now they have found each other. He has giving the girl our mailing address as well and she has used it. I spoke with her asking if she would not bother with him. She told me he is a free man. I know he is allowed up to 4 wives. He has his name on a list with the high school graduated from so that other people can get in touch with him. So far 3 females has found him. I would like to know if it is okay for my husband to have female friends and they are all non-Muslims. Please help me. Sometimes I feel he doesn’t want me for the right reasons. We are overseas and she is in the states & now he wants to go back.

Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah has made marriage one of His signs, and has created love and compassion between the spouses, and He has made each spouse a garment for the other. The basic principle regarding marriage is that it should be lasting: it is not permissible for either spouse to go against the purpose of marriage. Your husband should have feared Allaah and had a good intention before embarking on marriage. So long as he married you with your consent and all the conditions of marriage were fulfilled, then your marriage is valid and there is no doubt about it.

It is also haraam for him to establish relationships with women who are “strangers” to him [i.e., non-mahrams] and to correspond with them, so how about if that correspondence also involves obscene words such as words of love and romance? See the answer to question no, 23349.

With regard to yourself, why don’t you speak frankly with your husband and advise him? That may bring him back to his senses. Or you could ask some good people to intervene and advise him.

If he cannot forget her, then it is permissible for him, according to Islam, to marry her if she is a kitaabi [one of the People of the Book, i.e., a Jew or a Christian], subject to the condition that he repents from having had haraam relationships and he comes back to being chaste.

In that way he will protect himself from falling into haraam actions. Allaah permits Muslim men to marry chaste women from among the People of the Book (Jews and Christians).

You have to be patient and not hasten to separate from him. Perhaps if you stay with him and are patient with him, and keep on advising him, that may be the cause of his being guided and coming back to his senses.

If he insists on separating and continuing to do haraam things, then you should not feel bad about it and should not be keen to stay with him. Whatever the case, we ask Allaah to guide us and you and him and give us strength.

And Allaah knows best.

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